Taking the Bisque

Croquet is so Invigorating

2009-04-15T14:03:00.001+01:00

Please Let Me Win Chris

2009-04-15T13:58:00.002+01:00

Please Chris let me win this year, here's £50
Oh alright then Reg, seeing as it's you

Croquet's Mafia?

2009-04-15T13:51:00.003+01:00

We've all heard of the 'men in black', but last week at a secret loaction, the 'men in brown' met. Our source said the mafia style meeting was held in secret, but 'Don Baretti' and 'Don Gauntio' were spotted after the rest of the Don's had left - one wonders what was under discussion by coquet's mafia?

Hurlingham Goes Organic

2009-04-15T13:33:00.003+01:00

Following recent events of an economic nature, and the re-emergence of 'Grow your own Veg', Hurlingham have decided to take the plunge to make their grounds more 'economically viable' and have turned the croquet lawns into allotments. Our picture, taken recently, shows that the members are taking this matter seriously, having carefully covered the newly prepared ground to warm it and keep the weeds at bay. Our source at the club told us that they were not at liberty to divulge the crops, that was still at the committee stage, but the sprinkler system was going to be a real boom now, as it made those tiresome and rather ugly watering cans unnecessary.

Presidential Play

2008-04-25T17:51:00.002+01:00

George Bush playes croquet - with a Pidcock! - Not wearing whites though, tut, tut.

Whites - So Smart, So traditional

2008-04-24T16:19:00.002+01:00

The white team in their full traditional glory - now do you see why colour is required and poor Ed was heading to the pink mob in the event photo.

The Whites Debate - We Sucked It to See

2008-04-20T20:03:00.003+01:00

Following the ongoing debate in a certain well known croquet publication as to whether white should be kept as the appropriate clothing code, a certain band of reprobates decided to road test first and second colours. (Ignore the eejit in the hat reclining at the front, we used him as the peg!) We shall let you draw your own conclusions as to whether white is indeed the smartest.

How The Post of Editor was sold to James Hawkins

2008-04-20T19:56:00.003+01:00

Now then young James, I know you've heard that editing the Gazette is hard work, unrewarding, positively irritating and grossly time consuming - but thats all complete rubbish you know - after the second bottle of vodka a day you don't even notice it's about croquet! I'll chuck in my secret Odd-bins account if you say yes today.

Anti-Social Behaviour Order

2008-04-20T19:47:00.003+01:00

I wore whites, I didn't sit on the grass, I talked propa, I didn't put fag ends on the lawns and I only swore under my breath - they still gave me this sign instead of name like everyone else, said something about translation from Geordie.............oh well, that was nice of them.

Australian Gnomes Spotted Playing Croquet Down Under

2008-04-20T17:28:00.005+01:00

Mischieveous Aussie gnomes were spotted playing croquet last week after everyone else had gone home. They laughed and giggled as they fought to be 'Lord of the Hoop'.
Who's playing croquet at the bottom of your club?

Here Kitty, Kitty

2008-04-16T22:51:00.001+01:00

Lionel Tibble of Northampton, A class player and leading light of the languid swing brigade, was caught in the act of attempting to engage outside agencies during the play. Our photo, taken by an undercover camera person, shows Lionel clearly trying to persuade a cat to put a ball into the corner three area of lawn 2 at Surbiton, following his failure to rush into the corner for a cannon. Fortunately ‘Tiddles’ was having none of it from Tibbles and after a quick rub was off in search of better things.

Magee's Mumblings

2008-04-16T22:44:00.000+01:00

"Wash the lawns, wash the dishes, cook the lunches, butter the scones, cut the bleeding grass - Bugger retirement! - I'm going back to the RAF!"

Is Reg Losing His Grip?

2008-04-16T22:15:00.000+01:00

Poor Reg, disappointed at not defending his World Championship Title in New Zealand for Association Croquet, and now, having been so close, but having to settle for Runner-Up in the recent Golf Croquet World Championships in South Africa - Has the pressure finally taken it's toll on this giant of the modern game?
One of our correspondents caught him in a quiet corner at Surbiton taking golf style swings with the side of his mallet at the right hand up-right of hoop one from near corner 4. Alas Reg didn't hit up-right during daylight hours, perhaps he is still there?

Pidcock No Longer Making Just Mallets!!!

2008-04-16T21:52:00.001+01:00

Following the demise of the Jaques Eclipse some years ago, and more recently the Barlow Ball, we knew it wouldn't be long before someone tried to fill the gap in the market, but the news of just who, where and with what is a shock even to us.
Prof. Pidcock, in the back kitchen with Carbon Fibre String!
Our source in Lancashire, known as Ferret to his friends, has revealed that he stumbled across the new prototypes on a visit to the Prof's to get his grip re-vamped for the coming season. While the Prof was busy, Ferret got caught short and had to visit the downstairs loo - lo and behold, he couldn't believe his eyes and whipped out his phone to take a snap.

We contacted Prof and asked him about the new venture. He was a little cagey at first but knew he couldn't pull the wool over our eyes. He intimated that were some teething problems, such as the bounce test, and the weight was a bit of problem as the correct weight made the ball about twice the normal size, but that would be simple to overcome, as he could just change the spcifications of hoops as Chairman of the CA and WCF Equipment Committees. We asked if there were any positive qualities to the new ball? He grinned and said yes, let's see the Egyptians hit these at 100MPH!